To Lie, or Not to Lie

With Christmas sneaking up on us and being a mom of two, I can't help but think about Santa Claus and the lies we tell our children from day one.

It's all in the Christmas spirit to tell a child that Santa Claus is real and my husband and I even took things to the next level by giving our son an Elf On The Shelf. For those of you who have never heard of this, it is a book set that comes with the child's very own elf, which they get to name. The story is that each night the elf magically flies back to Santa's workshop and reports to him about the child's behavior and when they wake up the next morning the elf will be in a different spot in the house each morning until Christmas, when the elf then retreats back to the North Pole until the following year.

My son, who is seven, truly believes in all of this Christmas magic and it makes the holidays extra special and magical for everyone, including our two year old daughter. Although, I can't help but feel awful each morning when we wake up and he looks for Zeke. ( His elf) The excitement in his eyes is priceless. But then I think about how betrayed he might feel when he finds out one day that this was all something we made up.

I believed in Santa Claus until I was in middle school, until people told me I was a loser and that Santa Claus wasn't real. At which point I ran home, heartbroken, and begged my mother to tell me the truth. Once she revealed that the magical man of Christmas wasn't real, I actually cried and felt so hurt.

Is it wrong to lie about Santa? Should we emphasize the true meaning of Christmas and the religious aspect behind it all? I am one of those people who love to go crazy when it comes to gifts for my kids, but I just feel so bad about making up the reasons behind where the gifts come from.

Am I totally alone in all of this??

Dead Give Away

Being a mother is bittersweet. There are the great days, when your child is the picture of perfection and everything goes according to plan, then nap for three hours in the afternoon, sit like an angel at the dinner table, give you lots of hugs and kisses and you play blissfully until it is bedtime.

Then there are the days you wonder why you ever wanted children in the first place. There are tantrums after trantrums, food falling on the floor at dinner, pasta flying and don't let me forget the forty-five minute nap they took before noon.

At the end of the day it all really is worth it and you know you love your children no matter what kind of embarresments they put you through.

(My son at age three, screamed his head off all the way through the checkout line at Target and continued his tantrum all the way to the car and for the entire drive home over some dumb ass toy that he totally forgot about an hour later.)

Sometimes you can just look at a woman and tell she is a mother. Here is my list of, You Know You're A Mom If...

1. You have stickers anywhere on your body and don't realize until someone random stranger is pointing at your forehead and when you look in the mirror, Spongebob, or Hello Kitty is stuck to it.

2. You smell like soy milk, breast milk, or any kind of formula

3. You've become so immune to the smell of shit that it takes someone else to tell you your child has a poopy diaper.

4. You continue to watch the cartoon, or Disney movie, even after your child has lost interest or left the room

5. You tell other adults you have to go potty.

6. Your idea of date night involves Ben and Jerry and a spoon.

7.You wake up in the morning and see that it is eight am and think," Oh! We slept in this morning."

8. You are asleep before ten pm.

9. You find yourself humming tunes to your kids favorite shows while you are food shopping or running errands.

10.Nothing means more to you than your children.

I love every little annoying thing about both my children because they wouldn't be who they are if they were flawless well behaved tots.

It's the crazy stuff, the messes, and the fights that keeps life interesting.

Creating A New World

This blog post is really just a shout out to everyone who has inspired and helped me though the journey of writing a book.

There have been plenty of days when all I wanted to do was give up and cry. Staying awake all night because I was afraid if my idea's weren't written immediately I'd forget them. ( I probably would have!) Endless hours staring at my computer with writers block, just hoping something... anything would come to mind.

Knowing, and feeling so amateur compared to thousands of incredible writers out there, working as hard, if not harder than me, has at times made me feel like I have no idea what I'm doing.

But also knowing that even if I never get published, I have so many incredible friends that will read my first attempt at a book and I know I've accomplished something incredible. So thank you to everyone that has kept me going and told me to never give up and everyone who has listened to me complain and wiped my tears during my monthly meltdown.

Especially thank you to those of you that have let me bounce idea's off you, even if I wasn't making any sense. Thank you for the website suggestions, the harsh critique, and reading pages for me.

My book has become so real to me. I feel like the characters are apart of my life now, and I can't wait to share it with all of you.

This Is The Same As That

So most of you know how obsessed I am with eating healthy and exercising. Well, thanks to my obsession I am constantly comparing different foods to one another, and their calories, calories from fat and sugar etc. This post is merely to point out that most people have no clue what they are actually eating let alone the amount of calories and sugar that are in the foods we eat!

I went online last night and pulled up Mc Donald's nutrition menu. How they can even have the word nutrition anywhere near their menu is something that will baffle me until the end of time. Advertising is key in making us think we are eating healthy or getting something nutritious out of our food.

For Example, let's say you are feeling brave and decide to eat at Mc Donalds (gulp) and you think if you order the grilled chicken sandwich and small fries that you are eating healthy. If I could take that chicken sandwich and smack you with it I would.
Reality Check: Premium Grilled Chicken Sandwich is 420 Calories
Small Fry is 230
Now that is a 650 calorie meal not including a drink or dipping sauce. Not to mention the disgusting crap your sandwich is made out of. (YUCK!!!)

Eating that meal is the same as eating eight lemon butter salmon filets at 80 calories a filet. ( Unbreaded and no salt. Baked, not fried)

Just because I was so grossed out by this, I have to put it out there. A Mc Donald's Big Breakfast with hotcakes is a whopping 1150 calories. (WTF is anybody thinking when they order this??)

Did you know for a woman to maintain her body weight she should be eating 1200-1600 calories per day depending on exercise level. This disgusting breakfast almost tops that out, and before 9 am no less.

They also advertise fruit smoothie's now, but according to their "nutrition chart" there isn't one smoothie offered that is under 210 calories or less than 40 grams of sugar. Did you know there is less sugar in a two liter bottle of coke?!

So if you ordered a smoothie, that's the same as drinking two eight ounce glasses of Yoplait's ( actually real) fruit smoothies at 80 calories a glass and only 11 grams of sugar. Oh, wait... it still doesn't equal the sugar shit smoothie Mc Donald's offers.

So, be aware of what you eat because even if it isn't having an effect on you now, it will catch up to you later! Be smart, eat healthy. ( Translation, don't think you are eating healthy, know you are eating healthy. Good food doesn't come out of a drive thru window!!)
A few of my know it all tips...
-Switch from regular potato chips to baked chips and only eat the recommended serving size. If the calories state 120 calories a serving but you are eating four servings...defeats the purpose!

-Pack healthy lunches on road trips to avoid getting any type of fast food

- Eat food high in fiber, they keep you feeling fuller longer.

- Get your blood pumping by exercising everyday, even if it's just a brisk walk around your neighborhood after dinner. :)

Give A Little Bit

Why is showing off brand names and logo's so important? A purse is a purse isn't it? You put all your junk in it, you toss it on the floor of your car, you drop it on the floor when you get home from work. So why do people spend thousands of dollars on something you fling over your shoulder?

Now, for those of you who are making the big bucks you probably don't see a problem with this at all. You think, hey, I have the money so why not indulge?

If you have they money, why not do something more significant with it than blowing thousands of dollars on a bag, or two hundred dollars on a pair of jeans? Take that two hundred dollars and buy groceries for a family in need, or that three thousand dollars and support your favorite charity. If you are really successful, pay someone's way through college. Crazy?? Maybe! But I actually know someone who did it for more than one person. :)

I guess I don't understand why more of us aren't paying it forward and why we are so focused of material shit we don't really need.

I always feel better doing something for someone else than for myself. It's actually pretty contagious once you start. Just go up to a random someone and give them a hug, or compliment them on what they are wearing. Start small and then work your way up to bigger and more giving things.

If you are financially able, organize an afternoon with friends and give away free sandwiches, instead of spending hundreds of dollars on a cob salad at a fancy restaurant. Serve free coffee in your neighborhood!

Go through your old clothes, and furniture, have a free yard sale or donate to GoodWill without requiring a tax write off.( Kinda defeats the purpose of giving if you expect to get compensated for it down the road.)

Just venting some pent up frustrations about how selfish the world can be. There are so many other things going on in the world that are way more important than a stupid Louis Vuitton bag.

Oh! And just and FYI- Did you know that in 2005 an anonymous bidder bought a pair of 155 year old Levi 501 Jeans for sixty thousand dollars. This just disgusted me.

Simple Sacrifices

Kids, and life itself can really drain your bank account. Things are always coming up,or breaking, or being broken. Let's face it, kids never ever stop growing. (The cost of brand new kids clothes can be outrageous.)

If you want to save some cash, here are a few simple sacrifices you and your family can make so you can spend less and save more. The days of wanting a five dollar barbie or a matchbox car are way over. Now it's playstations and flat screens.

1. Buy gently used clothes ( If you start doing this when they are young, they will never know the difference. What's the point of buying brand new? It's four times the cost and they are going to grow out of in in a few months anyway. Most second hand shops will even buy back the stuff that doesn't fit!! BONUS!)

2. Avoid having a car payment ( This can really suck you dry every month. If possible, become a one car family and share. If not, avoid financing and buy a used car you can pay for up front.)

3. Cut back your cable bill. ( You can do this by downgrading your current plan. Is there really a need to have six movie channels that rotate between the same six movies every week. If you really can't live without movies, downgrade to basic cable and sign up for Netflix. It's way cheaper and you have your choice of any movie unlimited every months.)

4. Plan meals a week in advance ( Doing this avoids having to go back to the store every day and then buying unnecessary items, making you spend more. Make a menu for the week and then shop for the whole week. Plus it saves time and money. Fast food is absolutely disgusting and not nutritious in anyway. In planning meals, and being creative, you can feed a family of four for under ten dollars a meal, the cost of one value size combo.)

5. Free exercise ( Gym memberships can be pricey, but some rec centers have free gyms if you're a town resident. If not, find some fun hiking trails in your area and make it a weekend routine with the whole family. Do yoga, or have daily dance time with your kids. They'll have a blast running around to their favorite songs, and you'll love burning calories.)

6. Be energy efficient ( Wash clothes in cold water, open windows or use ceiling fans instead of the ac. In winter months, if you have a big house,or unused rooms there is no need to heat them. Close off the vents or turn off the radiator and you won't waste heat. Plus you will smile, not frown when you get your electric bill. Suck it up, don't be so quick to turn on the heat, a sweater and a cozy pair of socks can work pretty well when it's just a little cool outside.)

7. Be Creative (We always think we have to buy everything we need. Brand new baby toys and furniture are ridiculously expensive. Ask a friend or family member if you can borrow a crib, or baby swing. They only sleep in it for a couple years. It's not worth spending $800 plus dollars on that. Again, second hand stores, or even Goodwill can have some pretty awesome stuff if you look. Before you run out a buy a new picture frame, just make one. Spice up an old table with a new coat of paint, or buy slip covers for an old couch. Go to a bookstore and check out a craft book, don't buy it, but jot down a few good ideas.)

8. Family Game Night ( Instead of rushing out to the local movie theater, have a family game night, or invite friends to join you or host a movie night. Make popcorn, and get a front row seat to your favorite movies. It will be a fraction of the cost of taking the family to the theater at ten dollars a ticket. Not to mention the overpriced, unhealthy snacks they offer.


These are just a few of many wonderful idea's to save money and have fun doing it as well. If you think you can't trust yourself not to spend the extra cash you'll have lying around open up an interest bearing savings account and set a savings goal, then treat yourself and family to something fun.

Mommy's Not Here

Whoever said that the more years between your kids the easier it is, should seriously go to hell. I'd rather have three two year olds than the six year age gap between my two little monsters.

Tying to put ABC flash cards in a little baggy one-at-a-time, while helping do word sorts for my son's homework is not my idea of a fun relaxing evening. Did I mention my son was complaining about doing his homework and purposely writing his sentences sloppy just to make me mad while my daughter was screaming because she is just too cool to use her big girl words? Oh, and the dog was jumping on the counter trying to get left overs.

Some nights I wish someone would just put me in time out and I promise, I will sit there quietly. Or maybe have my body go on auto pilot. My husband works nights so I am left to fend for myself. Make dinner, clean up dinner, homework, baths, and the unknown nightly dramas that seems to occur. I seem to be a magnet for disasters. ( Two spilled glasses of water, with ice. I left the water running over a pot filled with dish liquid. Soap suds were everywhere.)

Most days I have a very lovely schedule I stick to that starts early in the AM and doesn't end until I fall asleep on the couch. Awesome as it is to have such a strict plan for the day, it can be a downfall as well. Do you know what happens when you have a plan like that and one little piece of it falls out of place? The entire day comes crashing down right on you!

My hard learned advice:
1. Start each day without a plan
2. Know that anything can and will happen
3. Baby's nap time is your nap time (read a book, watch a movie, relax)
4. When you feel like everything is falling apart, order take-out and go out for ice cream.
5. Even if you don't feel like it, have sex! You just might surprise yourself.
6. Date Nights without kids are very very important.
7. It's okay if you lose your temper...you're only human
8. Bubble baths after the kids go to bed while listening to your favorite tunes
9. Initiate food fights every once in a while (hehe the kids will love it)
10. Remind yourself that no mom is perfect ( If you ever happen to find one that is, let me know and we'll go egg her house ;)

Keeping the house clean, making dinner, and trying to stay fit is tough for any mom. Men can have eight kids and still look the exact same. No stretch marks, weight gain, or sagging body parts. (Sooo unfair) I feel like no matter what your post preggo bod looks like, or how clean or un-clean your house is that you rock no matter what. Being a mom is incredible!

That Little " Oh Yeah Baby" In My Life

Okay, I don't know about you but I literally cannot function without at least one and a half cups of coffee in the morning, complete with my favorite creamer, the tiniest teaspoon of sugar and the ability to choose one of my three favorite mugs to pour the blissfully aromatic darkness into.

I have never quite figured out what it is that makes this delectable little cup of heaven so wonderful. Laying in bed listening to the coffee maker perking away in the kitchen followed by a puff of steam rolling off the lid starts off my morning. I can hardly wait until it's done as I anxiously wait by the pot so I can watch dark liquid turn my mug into something much much more. It becomes my best friend for a few hours as we hold hands down the hallway to make sure my kids are still asleep. We curl up together under a blanket and enjoy the silence of the house. The now creamy hot loveliness that gently rolls down my throat and warms my belly puts a smile on my face.

Once this love triangle began between the mug, the coffee and I, morning never came soon enough. I would sit at the dinner table forcing down gulps of ice cold water just staring at the coffee pot. Wishing for that moment, that first sip of am wonder that has the power to transform my day from sleepy to productive.

Something about the steam curling out of the top of a cup of coffee seems exotic and might entice you to give your partner a good morning hug. It makes reading the morning paper a bit more interesting, and any kind of chocolate croissant just about explodes into your mouth followed by a hot sip.

I've always been able to count on coffee for those late night last minute papers. It helps break the ice between old friends. "Let's go out for coffee and catch up!" Whether we actually make good on the invitation is on us.

I am deeply grateful and irrevocably in love with coffee.

Technology Is Taking Over

Almost everyone has to rely on some form of technology on a day to day basis. Whether it's a blackberry, or mapquesting directions, we would all probably die without these incredible things. Or are they? How many people can even read a map anymore? I can hardly function without my cell phone.
Do we go to the library when we have questions about things, or want to research information. Hell No! We Google!

Thanks to things like facebook and twitter we are able to constantly be in touch with people we care about. Does this prevent us from actually getting out of the house and going to visit someone instead of messaging them on facebook?

I remember going to the mall and buying C.D's all the time. It was the coolest thing ever to go into the music store and purchase the hottest new singles. Since the development of the I Pod no one does this anymore. I have much more fun downloading the hottest songs ( for free... sshhh!!) onto my I Pod. A lot of those great music stores closed down because of it.

Thanks to Netflix, Blockbusters, and Movie Gallery's are a thing of the past. Now, my favorite... The Kindle. A way to read your favorite books without actually having to go to a bookstore. And, you get enormous discounts on the Kindle store online. Barnes and Noble price $25.00 Kindle Price $12.00. It makes me wonder if this will catch on the way Netflix and I Pods did and what this means for bookstores now? Will they become virtual bookstores, only having websites?

This could potentially be good for the environment. Less book printing = more happy trees!

With all the technology that we are exposed to what would happen if it was all taken away? Would be able to do anything? Even simple math since we rely on calculators so much. I use spell check for everything because I can't spell to save my life and as long as I can click a button and have every word looking like it should I don't think I will be practicing anytime soon.

Just babbling out loud I guess.... but it is interesting to think about. Don't get me wrong, I am obsessed with it all. My Laptop, my berry, I Pod, Kindle, and everything I can do on each one because I would be lost, confused, and unable to find a pay phone since those almost don't exist anymore either, if I had to go it alone.

But the truth is, people did survive without all this junk and for the most part seemed to manage fine. ( Unless someone was deathly ill and they had to ride a horse for two days just to find a doctor.) Who knows, maybe there was less drama.

Birthday Wishes

Lot's of people have all kinds of material wishes for Christmas and Birthday's. They want new clothes, I pods, cell phones... the list goes on and on. Everyone gets so focused on what their getting, or how many presents have their name on it. I feel like all the celebration stopped being about family and started being about what you made out with.

My 25th birthday is today and while I spent the first twenty four years of my life wondering what I was getting for my birthday, something changed this year. ( Or maybe I am actually growing up? Eeeekk!!)

My amazing family surprised me for the weekend. I have never been so excited or had such a fulfilling birthday. For the first time in my life, I honestly didn't care what I was getting. I just didn't want my family to leave. I truly realized how special they are and how lucky I am to have so many incredible people in my family to share my birthday with.

Life is very short and in the blink of an eye a big part of it is over. While I still have so many more wonderful things I am going to experience, good and bad, I know my family is the one constant in my life. You outgrow clothes, electronics break after a few years and have to be replaced. What I have with my family, and my husband will never break, and it will never have to be replaced. The bond we all share is strong. We will continue to grow and change with each other, never apart. We're Italian, so that says it all as far as interesting is concerned.

The celebration shouldn't be about what you're getting, it needs to be about what you already have!
Love you all with my whole heart!!

Building A Stable & Secure..... Man Cave??!!

If you're a woman in a relationship, or have been in relationships with men, you know all too well that men have their own little version on PMS. They even throw little mantrums. I have seen men pout, storm off, throw things, and whine and complain about things that aren't going their way.

Men need a cave, a quiet place of retreat for them to sort out their thoughts and feelings, and lick their wounds. We as women need to be patient and understand that men are just not as wonderful and put together as we are and sometimes, they need a minute, or in some cases, a few days. (Big ass babies, is what they are.)
Have you ever seen a man with a cold?? Whiny, needy, draaah-ma-tic...did I mention annoying?

Now what if they already have a man cave? Is it man cave worthy? Every man cave needs to be equipped with the following:
(The woman truly benefits from this)

1. Well stocked refrigerator (lot's a beer, frosted glasses, and a variety of cold drinks) (Or a full bar if possible)
2. Lot's of easy access to snacks such as chips, donuts...you get the picture
3. A special chair just for them, or a very comfy couch
4. Any kind of gaming system, more than one is beneficial. (Include a variety of different games to keep them busy
5. Poker table, or pool table ( complete with poker chips, cards... coasters(so they wont ruin the table
6. BIG FLAT SCREEN TV ( Box of tissues & the ecstasy channel)
7. Encourage man buddies to join him in the man cave (Helping him create a pack in his man cave where he can be the Alfa Male will make him feel special.
8. Stripper Pole complete with stage and mirrors. (Note to self: The man will never make use of this stage, but it gives the illusion to his man followers that he isn't whipped. Even though he totally is)

Humorous as this all may seem, men are men and no matter what we as women think we can do to "change" their natural ways, we just can't. You can domesticate a wild animal but there will always be things in the world that will revert them back to their natural ways.

I truly believe we defy nature by having men settle down. On a pride, the male lion will impregnate all the female lions in his pack. One male gets to bang all the females, but the female remains loyal to the male while raising all her lion cubs.

The man cave gives them their own space to roam free and do the things that drive us nuts. They have all the responsibility, and the say-so of what goes on in their cave so when they come back to your domain, they can comfortably fall back into the submissive lion cub without any dispute!!

Wait Two Weeks

Ever notice how so many things in our lives revolve around two weeks somehow. Two weeks notice, fourteen day grace period on late bills, and the amount of time you should wait before making any big decision.

My car, oh my car. 220,000 miles on it and a countless number of other problems is scheduled to be taken to the mechanic on Wednesday. Fifteen hundred dollars is the estimated cost of repair. So, with that we decided to go look at some other options, New SUV's. Car shopping can be super fun or super sucky. Greg and I went to the car dealer with no intention of buying anything that day at all, and thought if we just looked and got an idea of what we wanted, we would be prepared.

Car salesman are desperate, on commission, and will tell you anything to sell you a car. For anyone who isn't aware, a few pointers:
1. Never go car shopping alone.
2. Know your price point and stick to it
3. The price on the car is just the "asking price", so make an offer you think is reasonable
4. Never go car shopping alone
5. It's okay to say NO!!!

Despite this wonderful advice, Greg and I almost got completely suckered in to buying a car even though we agreed we weren't going to. They even let us take the car home over night and think about it. But we applied the "Wait Two Weeks" strategy at the very last minute. Believe it or not, even after we dropped the car back off at the lot feeling great about our choice, the car salesmen texted me and offered to take an additional five hundred dollars off the price. Sneaky sneaky little man!!

I want to buy a new car on my own terms when it's right for my family. The car salesmen tried to convince me that paying $380 a month was way better than paying $1500 to get my car fixed. Yeah, sure it is, but when you're paying that $380 every month for six years...c'mon now! That's a big commitment. A $25,000 commitment, plus tax, and interest.

I guess the lesson learned here is that you should never make a decision on the spot, or let someone talk you into it. Always go home and really think about it. And maybe eight times out of ten you will realize you did the right thing. You don't always "need" everything you think you need and you'd be surprised how often you will come to see how silly that particular thing was if you wait it out and then go back to it.

Like I tell my son, "Be a smart shopper!!"

Mid-Morning Concussion

The past few nights I have been having trouble sleeping. I have been up late working on my book, and I joined a new website called TheNextBigWriter.com. SO- along with working on my novel, I have been up late editing other people's work and when I finally pull myself away from the computer and make myself sleep, I can't. I have my own, along with everybody else's thoughts racing through my mind.
Last night, around one thirty am I finally lay down and drift off to sleep. My husband was in the living room watching a scary movie that I opted out of due to my intense imagination, and the after effects I knew I would experience. Hallucinations, turning shadow's into ghosts, and thinking every noise I heard was a killer trying to get me,
Then, around six am he literally flies out of bed like he was thrown off a trampoline, trips, and runs into my daughter's room who fell out of bed and was crying. (Due to the horrific material in the movie, he was terrified that what he saw on screen was coming to life)
"Ashley, can you get in her please!" he called out to me from down the hall. I stomp out of bed, march down the hall and when I walk into my daughter's room there he is, blood dripping from his head all the way down his chest.
"What the hell happened to you?" I had no idea how he could be bleeding like that.
"Well, I tripped and hit my head, and I'm bleeding."
"Obviously!" I turned his head to the side, examining the damage. Greg handed me the baby and left the room. Trying to stay as calm as possible, I gave Layla a good snuggle and put her back to sleep.
I shut her bedroom door and immediately noticed the bathroom light creeping out from under the door. I walk in to check on Greg, and make sure he was still alive. There he was, standing in front of the mirror with a wad of toilet paper on his head, still covered in blood. My first thought,typical. He has been in the bathroom for ten minutes and the only thing he has accomplished was balling up a piece of toilet paper.
I knew I had to step in and take charge. After sitting him down on the toilet, and taking a closer look at the cut I realized it looked worse than it actually was. I tossed his hand made wad of toilet paper and reached for a clean hand towel. I shaved the area around his cut, cleaned it up, got him ice and settled back into bed. (He was loving this by the way. Even saying it hurt when I was barely touching him.)
"How did you hit your head on the counter when it's three feet lower than your head?" The sun was starting to come up so I kept my eyes shut trying to block out the morning rays
Greg started laughing " I slipped on the kitchen floor and somehow the counter got in the way."
"Only you would get a head injury in the middle of the night just by walking through the kitchen." I rolled over and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek, noticing the blue glow of the digital clock on the night table. Six forty five. Figuring I had at least and hour and a half before the kids woke up,I nestled my head on Greg's chest and started to drift off to sleep.
Then, my right eye popped open to the sound of tiny footsteps walking through the kitchen.
"Good Morning, I told you guys I was going to get up early today." The smiling face of my son Sean standing in front of me was a clear indication that sleep was not an option for anyone this morning.

Alone Time! Wait, what's that?

As most of you know my two year anniversary was yesterday. And while most couples whisk themselves away to some romantic resort with his and her terry cloth robes, and a jaded reality full of alcohol and five star restaurants, my husband and I did not. (Because if I was I sure as hell wouldn't be on my computer)My thoughts on romance have changed immensely since I have had kids. I think a lot of us base romance on what we read in a book, or see in a movie so we are programmed to think we should be doing certain things. Those movies, or those books we read usually end right where real life begins.
I bet you if Cinderella got knocked up she wouldn't be dancing around with her mop singing to the birds, her head would be in the fucking toilet and prince charming would be holding her hair back. Or Princess Jasmin, could you see her whole new world with three kids on that magic carpet?
So, anyway...My husband and I decided it would be nice to go to dinner. Now- at first thought you're probably thinking romantic candle lit dinner in some poorly lit restaurant. NO!! Try Olive Garden and our two lovely kids. (They really are lovely) If you have kids you know what going out to eat is like. You usually spend your meal guarding your drink from being knocked into your lap, blowing on chicken nuggets to cool them down, or picking things up off the floor.
Being creative here was the key to making our anniversary amazing. Yes, the kids were like an extra garnish on a fancy meal we really didn't need right then, but they are part of our life so we make it work. But kids do sleep. And, as soon as those little monkey's were in bed, memory lane was wide open for us and we stayed up all night.... not just having the most incredible sex in the world( for those of you whose jaws just dropped:Mommies are allowed to have sex!), but really getting to know each other all over again. We relived the day we met and the amazing weeks that followed and how insane everyone thought we were when just two months later we were engaged. I fell asleep that night feeling like I just fell in deep deep love all over again and woke up knowing I was the luckiest person in the world.(I also woke up to my daughter trying to dip my blackberry in a glass of water)
Anything and everything is what you make it, or what you make out of it. Were we isolated on some island getting couples massages, no, but we didn't feel the need to put our relationship on display. We were as alone as you can be when you have kids. But that's what makes it fun and it took our relationship to the next level. We are always moving forward, but we are always moving together.

Sometimes I worry about myself

Okay, so I am a little sleep deprived today because my 18 month old daughter decided to wake up at 1 am this morning. I was laying in bed and I heard her making noise, so I just closed my eyes tighter, and tried to pretend like I didn't hear anything. But, that cry, the cry that says mommy, come snuggle me. C'mon, just admit it- it's 1 am, you're sleeping so good, and you hear the crying begin to escalate and all you're thinking is.... "fuck". But,despite my best efforts and a few learned tricks, she didn't fall back asleep until I laid with her at 4am. Ugh! Then I had this dream that I found out I was pregnant and was really excited about it. But when I woke up this morning and realized I was just dreaming I was really bummed. Yes, I was bummed. You're probably wondering what is wrong with me. Up all freaking night long singing, and rocking and sitting on the floor by my daughters bed literally praying that her eyes will close so I can sneak out of her room and crawl back into my bed, and I am wishing I was having another one. There is really only one explanation here... I am insane.

I used to think I was the only adult that would say, "I have to go potty!" or " Let's use our inside voice." It turns out I am not. At least I hope I am not. My neighbors might just think I am absolutely nuts lounging in a kiddy pool with a giraffe head on it, but hey, kids like being outside and when it's 105 degrees out, a puddle almost seems like a good way to cool off. I can also recite every line from Finding Nemo, The Lion King, Chicken Little, Ice Age, and I can hum every song from every Baby Einstein movie. ( I secretly love those movies and when Greg is working late I give myself a pedicure while watching Ratatouille...sshh!)

Before I had kids I always felt like I never had enough time to do anything, although I still feel like that, I don't know what I ever did with all my free time?! Probably sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. I almost can't remember what it's like to not have kids, or actually sit down and eat an entire meal instead of my kids left overs. Maybe you can answer this for me, but why is it the second I start talking on the phone everyone has to ask me a question? Or how about this one, what about me taking a shower is so interesting that everyone needs to be in the bathroom while I am in there? Kids have a special radar and they sense when you're comfortable, or getting ready to indulge yourself a little bit, and then they attack!!

I am A Fictional Character

Did your parents ever tell you growing up that you could be whatever you wanted to be? And that no matter what it was they would always love and support you? Well, mine always did, but that wasn't the problem. My problem was that I could never seem to decide how I wanted to spend the rest of my life. I didn't like the idea of going to college for four years and doing the same thing everyday. I always feared being so busy and consumed with my career that my days, weeks, and even months would start merging together and suddenly I would wake up 45 years old and have missed out on all the fun.

Most of my weekends and evening as a kid were spent locked in my room getting lost in incredible stories and I would get so into what I was reading that I would forget I was reading and I became part of that book. I realized I didn't have to choose one lifestyle or be one kind of person because through all these stories I could become anyone at any time. Those books were my escape, my way of experiencing the world from someone else's perspective, something I believe not many of us try to do. The books presented unrealistic scenarios and unlikely predicaments the main character was usually struggling to deal with. But for those few hours I was brave, or smart, or the most beautiful girl in a room and when I was done it was like closing a chapter on a part of my life and with every new book a new phase of adventure began.

As I grew up a little bit, and after spending countless hours hidden in the back of coffee shops, I realized I could still get lost in these wonderful books, but I needed to start being the leading lady of my own life. I knew I wanted to start seeing life from my own perspective too. I learned how to be brave and confident. To approach situations with the upmost patience, and just to throw in my own advice, everyone could always use a big hug. Sure, I am a little bit of a dork, but I think life is magical and there are so many ways to enjoy it. Whether it is through a good book, or a movie, we can be anyone and we can go anywhere.

The One Armed Woman

Did you ever notice how women have this uncanny ability to not only multi-task, but do things with only one arm free with our eyes closed? If I relied on both hands to get things done my house would look like a cyclone threw a party. My daughter is a big mommy's girl and this past week she has been sick. When kids are sick all they want is their mommies anyway, so this just intensified her need to be near me. Cooking dinner, cleaning up, doing laundry, washing dishes... all with her on my left hip.

Having two kids and a dog, and a house to run keeps anybody busy(unless you're the kind of stay at home mama that hires nannies and house keepers, then you suck, you really do). At the blink of an eye either one of my kids could possibly be hanging from a ceiling fan. So, when doing housework etc. I've gotta work fast. My husband offered to do the dishes for me(since I had my daughter turned koala hanging onto me like a tree branch) if I would go give her a bath. Sounded like a good deal to me. I Bathe my daughter, clean up the bathroom get her in pj's straighten up her room before bed and head out into the kitchen, relaxed, and so glad it would be clean. What do I find? There is Greg standing in front of the sink gazing out the window basically giving each dish a personal massage and placing them in the empty sick next to it for a rinse wash and repeat cycle. All he needed was a pair of high heals and some pearls and I'm telling you, Mrs.Cleaver couldn't touch him. How is it possible that he was still standing there? My husband works very hard at his job, and some weeks he pulls close to seventy hours. But men just can't grasp the concept of housework and all that it entails. I could have done those dishes faster with one hand holding a baby, my son talking my ear off and the dog barking in the background.

We as women think we have grown away from our typical rolls as "house wife". But even the ones who have a full time job still come home and make dinner, clean up, read stories to the kids. Being a mom is like having seven full time jobs. We are personal chefs, teachers, chauffeurs, maids, baby-sitters, mediators, & sometimes a billboard for target practice. If we got paid for what we do, we would be making over 100,000 dollars a year.
Being a mother is usually a choice, but even if it's not it's something I embrace everyday because I just sit and think about how boring my life would be if I lived alone, not that I haven't thought about it some days. Nothing a good mani/pedi and a bottle of tequila can't fix.

Unlivable to Unbelievable- Part Two

As I noted before, the bathroom renovations really did take 9 months to complete. But that wasn't the only thing that was going to take 9 months. Just three months before our wedding, the wedding that my step-mom had been losing sleep over to make beautiful, I found out I was pregnant. Well Shit! Was really the only appropriate things for me to say at that point. I already had my dress, and it had already been fitted. Just one more thing to literally add to the pile of crap that was already inside, and outside of our house. My stand is, that with all the renovations, and stress going on I simply forgot to take my birth control pill, but my husband has a different idea of how all that went. I don't recall having the "let's have a baby" conversation. Greg claims it was in the heat of the moment. C'mon, does anyone remember what they say in the middle of sex? If you do, do you expect anybody to hold you to it?
Regardless, our incredibly beautiful and emotional wedding came and went and do you think the two of us whisked away to some magical island? Hell no! We came right back home to a bathroom that still wasn't done, and ended up having to rip out the sink because if any more of it rotted away it would have just fallen apart all on it's own. Plus, Sean was starting his first day of kindergarden a few days later. With Sean at school and lot's to do we both took the week off work to try and "get ahead". We decided, with the help of Greg's dad to take apart the floor in what would later become the master suite. Halfway through we find just about every species of insect along with their eggs. Um, can anyone say Pest Control? Maybe the people that owned it before us?? This house was becoming our own personal money pit. Every time we took something apart a surprise was waiting for us. Several rooms didn't even have insulations, and tell me if it's normal to be able to see outside when your inside? And not through a window, through tiny holes and cracks in the wall. Wall paneling meant for an inside wall, not an outside one. Oh, and did I mention the single pane windows that frosted on the inside in the winter. Oh yeah and an air conditioning system that only worked for 7 hours and then froze over. Which, by the way, wasn't even plugged into the breaker. It took two years, a maintenance man, and $65 to figure that out. Aren't we a couple of geniuses?!
The time crunch was on because now we had a baby on the way and our house could probably have been deemed hazardous. Despite all this mess, we had a blast somehow working on it. We were literally building our life together. We learned a lot about each other along the way and about ourselves. I learned how to cut and measure drywall, I realized I was much stronger than I though, I had to learn how to be brave, especially after we built our front pouch and I had to carry chunks of grass and dirt filled with spiders and worms wiggling everywhere. But most importantly, Greg and I learned that no matter what shape our house was in, or how ugly our furniture was, it didn't matter. Because your life and relationships aren't based on any of that. You have to be able to strip all that away and still say I love my life, and I am happy. Can you say that? We could. We went to bed together every night and woke up in each others arms and nothing about the house or the financial stuff changed that or our love for each other. There were plenty of disagreements, and tears but we made our house into a home. There will always be a project, or something that needs to be fixed and changes are always coming. But our family is the constant and no matter where we are or what we have we know we have each other.

Yes! I have stretch marks

I have two amazing children, but let's face it, as beautiful and wonderful as pregnancy can be, there are definitely the not so beautiful parts of it. The morning sickness, the acne, the weekly weight gain, and maybe I should whisper this one.... (whispers) the stretch marks. They come in all sizes and colors from deep purples, reds, pinks, and clear. They take over our tummy,ass, hips, and boobs. But my question is, why are we all so ashamed of them? Our bodies changed to carry and care for our children. If our bodies weren't able to stretch and change the way they do who knows what the world would be like? Pregnant men running around like big balls of emotional mush? Women are made to handle the emotional and physical strain of carrying a child. I saw a commercial the other day for Coco Butter stretch mark cream, and in that commercial they said that stretch marks were ugly. So lot's of women including myself hide them.
One Piece bathing suits, long shirts, soccer mom shorts. I truly feel like we should be proud of them and show them off. Those stretch marks tell a story about each of us. Maybe they aren't from pregnancy, maybe they are from weight gain, or weight loss, or both. Whatever the reason, flaws aren't flaws, they are just simply what we are. Those imperfections give us character and make us who we are. Which is why I am posting a picture of the stretch marks I have grown to be proud of :) And you should too! Share your pictures with me, be proud :)

Unlivable to Unbelievable- Part One

My husband and I met three years ago and I was a "hot mess" if you will. I had a four year old little boy, was still living with my mother, and six thousand dollars in credit card debt. The only sweet part about any of it was Sean, my best pal in the world. I worked at a bank; 8:30 to 5:00 everyday, full time and when I could I was taking college classes at the local community college. By the time I got off work, picked up my son from daycare, yes, daycare which by the way , broke my heart into pieces every morning when I dropped Sean off for the whole day, i had just enough time to make dinner, clean up, get him bathed, and then bedtime. I was missing out on everything and we really only had the weekends to catch up on everything. My child was growing up before my eyes and I was missing it all. What choice did I have? I was a single mother, living at home, trying to pay off debt and the only thing I did own was a car I couldn't even afford.

Despite all this I managed to meet Greg. I wasn't looking for a relationship at that point in my life and I think I had even told my mom that I was done dating forever and was just going to live with her until I was forty. I know how cliche the whole "love at first sight" thing sounds. But what I felt when I first saw him was way beyond that. My heart jumped and for that few seconds my entire life flashed before my eyes and I couldn't stop looking at him. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before, and I was confused because although I was feeling this life altering emotion, he still hadn't looked at me other than the half second when we were introduced. To fast foreword this a little bit, we fell so deep in love with each other that within a few weeks he moved out of his dorm room on Tech campus and moved in with me....err....well, moved in with me at my mom's house, a month after that we were engaged, and a few months after that we bought our house.

Now, before you get all excited and start thinking what we are all programmed to think, it isn't like that....at all. I am not Cinderella, Greg isn't a prince, and the house we bought (thanks to help from his parents) is not a castle or anything even close to it. This house was a foreclosure that had been on the market for months and not a "hot mess" by any means. It was just a plain old dump. A foreclosure as most of you know is a house that the bank repossesses from the owners and when it's put back on the market it is SOLD AS IS. They mean that too. You buy the house, you buy all the problems that come along with it. This was probably the ugliest, dumpiest, grossest house I have ever seen in my life. The kitchen floor was completely torn apart, maybe to match the broken window and old refrigerator that didn't work. Which, by the way, we didn't find that out until later when we put frozen meat in there only to open the freezer door and see melted meat juice EVERYWHERE. The bathroom, oh the bathroom, where do I begin. Okay, close you eyes and imagine the ugliest, moldiest bathroom you can. Okay, got it? This bathroom was worse, far worse. The linoleum floor was probably five inches higher than it was supposed to be due to water damage, and the mold around the yellow bathtub and tiles was so bad you almost couldn't tell if the tub was even yellow. Between the wall paneling, the mold, the ripped floor, and the fact that I had to hang sheets in the windows for privacy, on move in day I had my first meltdown. It was all hitting me at that moment, I was going to be living in this house, a house I had to try and make into a home for my family.

Day one, immediately the bathroom demolition begins. Everything came out except the toilet, and partially rotting sink. I was forced to walk down our crooked and uneven basement stairs and use the shower in the basement for what seemed like the longest nine months of my life. Thanks to my dad and step-mom's generous house warming gift, we now had a working fridge in our kitchen. Between trying to fix things around the house, pay off my debt, and pay our mortgage, things were tight. We didn't have cable, or internet, and to save even more money, hot dogs, ramen noodles, mac and cheese, and chicken nuggets became a few of our favorite meals. This was a lifestyle I was not used to, and as awful as it might seem to some, I adapted quickly. The sacrifices were hard, but what I was gaining in return was even better. I had a place I could call my own. All the stuff inside of it, no matter how old, or worn, was ours. We were building a life, no matter how small it might seem to some, it was our life and it was beautiful.

Believe In Life

I read this quote online the other day and I really wanted to share it because I felt like it was true. "You can live life as though nothing is a miracle, or you can live as if though everything is a miracle." I feel like this is so true because even though bad things are happening I feel like there is something much deeper underneath it all. Everything in life works itself out the way it is meant to even though what might be going on doesn't seem like it is a benefit for you at the time. I am a product of this quote. At one point in my life everything seemed to be just falling apart and it was just one horrible thing after the other and just when things seemed to be hopeless and I thought my life would never be okay, things slowly worked themselves into something wonderful. All those horrible things were life's way of working everything out. I think believing in yourself and knowing that everything in life has a purpose and it has a reason for being. Everything we come across, or decide to do or not to do had effect on how it all turns out. Even the people we meet shape our lives. If you just stop and think for a moment about someone you have met or were friends with for while, or someone that did something nice for you or someone that you felt hurt you. Everyone we have come across has helped shape who we are and why we are where we are. It is very interesting to think about. Things are not always what they seem and everything in life is a miracle :)