Resolutions

It's New Year's Eve and everyone is making party plans or figuring out what their New Year's resolution is going to be. The truth is, you don't really need a New Year to make a new start or even a resolution. A fresh start can happen any time or any day you want it to. The resolution isn't agreeing with yourself to work out more, or quit smoking. It's to stop saying you will and just do it. It's not picking a new year or "next monday" it's now. Hell, it was yesterday.

Did you know it can take about 66 days to form a habit? So when your making those resolutions think about whether you can be consistent enough for it to stick.

So don't just make resolutions you know you won't keep. Make a plan to make a change. Don't even do that, just start, right this minute. Whether it's a change for your own life, or a plan to help someone change their life. Every ounce of motivation helps and sometimes all someone needs is a little push in the right direction and a lot of support.

My plan is to motivate and encourage not just friends and family, but people I don't even know yet.

Happy New Year!!!!

Figuring out the "Why"

After what happened yesterday on the Virginia Tech campus it really started to make me think about people and why they make the choices they do. It's fair to say everyone has been in situations where something was done to you and you couldn't figure out why that person would want to hurt you. Maybe you were the one doing the hurting.

Either way, I believe everyone is capable of doing things they wouldn't even dream of doing. Good and bad. There are so many environmental and emotional factors that drive certain kinds of people to do certain things. It's easy to place blame and point a finger but who are you to really judge anybody. Is your soul flawless of error and unkindness? I doubt it.

I have made so many horrible choices in my life, but do those things define who I truly am and make me a bad person. Of course not. There is a difference between being a truly bad person and just making bad decisions.

Being able to learn from those mistakes and move on is equally important. Taking a deeper look can sometimes clarify unanswered questions. There is a victim and a suspect, right? How do you know if at one point that suspect wasn't a victim themselves? People are a product of their environment and don't always have the knowledge or resources to make the right choices or become better people.

If you don't give people a second chance, or forgiveness, who will? If we aren't trying to change lives and inspire people to be better, what will our future look like?

Everyone feels bad for the family of the victim, but what about the family and mother and father of the suspect? I bet they are going through a similar pain. A disgusted kind of sorrow that their child is capable of something so terrible.

Everyone has a breaking point, and anyone is capable of being pushed over the edge. Some have more tolerance and control over their emotions than other's. Any series of events can lead to another series of events and so on. Things can always take a turn for the worse, even when we don't expect it.

Have faith and be supportive of everyone. You never know if your positive influence or choice to intervene could be potentially saving a life.

**Inspire someone, anyone, to be better**

Doing Good

Maybe it's that I'm getting older (not that 26 is old) or I'm realizing how fast life passes by and how quickly things can change. When I was younger, I foolishly believed things in my life would remain constant, never shifting far from my comfort zone.But life is always throwing me curve balls and changing at the blink of an eye.

I've had this unbelievable urge to pay it forward in a sense and go out of my way to do someone a favor or make a complete stranger smile. My husband and I were driving to the store yesterday and right in the middle of the road was a plastic bag and it's contents spilled all over the street. Not just papers or trash, but seven beer cans. I made Greg pull over so I could pick everything up and throw it away at the gas station down the road. A few of the cans donned some left over stale beer at the bottom and the smell was horrible. Touching it with my bare hands was even worse but in that moment, making sure someone didn't run over it and get a flat tire seemed more important to me.

My husband, by the way, thought I was crazy for walking in the middle of the road and picking up someone's trash. I read a story once, about a man walking along the beach, retrieving starfish that had washed up on shore and throwing them back into the ocean. When told he couldn't possible save enough to make a difference he picked up another starfish, threw it into the water and said, "I made a difference to that one."No matter how small a favor or kind act may seem, it's making a difference to someone.

You never know how big of a difference you're truly making. Whether it's as big as buying groceries for a family in need, befriending someone who needs you, or simply telling someone they look nice; it all makes a difference.

Here is my proposal for the weekend:
Do something completely selfless for someone random like . . .

1. If your getting coffee and there is someone waiting behind you, pay for their coffee too. :)

2. Baby-sit a friends kids so they can have some free time, and don't put a time limit on it

3. Have a friend that has been wanting something specific for a while. Buy it for them, wrap it, and leave it on their car or front porch without saying who it's from.

4. Volunteer at a nursing home, library, hospital, or animal shelter.

5. Make yourself available to friends, family, or anyone who may not ask or admit that they need help Offer, mean it, and follow through.

The above suggestions are just suggestions but sometimes the greatest gift is giving to others.

Thankful or Regretful Moms

It's that time of the year again when everyone is telling me to be thankful for what I have in life. I am very thankful and even consider myself incredibly lucky that I have a husband who works as hard as he does so I can be at home with my kids instead of having to drop them off at daycare. I have amazing in laws and very supportive parents.

I feel guilty when my mind wonders towards the what if's section. What if I focused on my career? What if I did go back to work after I had kids? What if? What if? I hate when people tell me not to focus on those things because I can't help it. I can imagine those what if's go both ways. I'm sure working mom's wish they were at home, and wonder how different their life would be if they stayed at hom. As a stay at home mom, I think about how my family would be financially if I worked full time. It's a sacrifice my husband and I both agreed on and were okay with.

My daughter is almost three and preschool age. Time for her to go to school and then time for me to do . . . what? Back to work? Go back to school? Have another baby? It's a whirlwind of what if's and impossible to determine the outcome of any of the choices.

Instead of focusing on the negatives of both sides, I came up with a list of things to be thankful for, for the working mom, and for the stay at home mom.

For The Working Mom

Be Thankful You . . .

1. Have a steady job
2. Have a reliable source of income
3. Possibly have benefits depending on your job
4. Can support your family by being a strong working mom
5. Can juggle work and family and rock doing it
6. Have a safe/fun place/person to look after your kids so you can work
7. Are brave enough to tackle the work force and be an amazing mother.

For The Stay At Home Mom

Be Thankful You . . .

1. Have the option to stay home and be with your kids
2. Get to experience the precious little moments day to day
3. Get to watch your child fall asleep
4. Are right there when they wake up
5. Are amazing enough to transform into a chef, nanny, imaginary friend, maid, and chauffeur at the drop of a hat
6. Are brave enough to give up your career to be a full time mom
7. Don't have to juggle work and family

While I sometimes miss have a job to go to everyday and being able to contribute to my family's income, I love knowing I don't have to get up, rush around, and worry about my kids all day. With Layla being a few months away from preschool, things will change. I may go back to work, or school. You can have the best of both worlds, just not at the same time.

Be thankful for the things you have in this moment and cherish every second of the life you have.

Two and Counting

I recently went to Disney World with my family. It was the VIP trip of a lifetime thanks to my Dad and Step-mom. We had a personal tour guide that enabled us to skip lines and have VIP seating during the incredible plays and shows. We ate dinner at fantastic restaurants that offered decadent desserts and yummy drinks.

As amazing as this all was, traveling and going on vacations with two kids in tow makes things much different compared to vacationing without them. Except, I can't even remember what it's like to not have a child holding my hand, complaining, or sitting on my lap while I eat.

The airplane ride for starters, while a success,(and by success I mean my almost three year old daughter didn't cry or try to get out of her seat during the two hour flight and my son happily listened to his iPod and read books) still takes a lot of energy and it's hard not to envy everyone else who is sleeping the entire time. We played games, colored, looked out the window, watched Elmo, sang songs, and by the time the plane landed I was already tired.

Day two was a full day in Magic Kingdom and while we rented a stroller, my daughter preferred the comfort of my arms more often then the stroller. Now, she weighs forty pounds and that forty pounds feel like one hundred after eight hours of carrying her around. But hey, I just considered it a really good cardio work-out and tried to pretend like I didn't want to fake an illness and lounge by the pool alone for the remainder of the day.

On the pool days, my sister slept in a lounge chair soaking up all the vitamin D her skin would ever dream of, while I helped Layla go up and down the water slide two hundred fucking times!!! Ahhh! Part of me misses those lazy days where nothing else mattered but myself but watching Layla's little face light up every time she slid down the water slide was priceless. And watching my son participate in poolside games meant more to me than sitting alone with a book.

It's rare if both kids are happy at the same time, yet they always manage to need me at the same time for different things. For some odd reason, not matter how content they are, as soon as I answer the phone or start going to the bathroom, I becomes the most sought out person in the house. There are days I have a mental countdown to their bedtime as I crave the quiet time to work on my book, or just sit without being climbed on.

I have great kids though. And my daughter was so incredibly well behaved on our Disney trip that I wanted to kiss her feet. When we got on the plane to go home and she balled up her favorite blanket, snuggled her Timon and went to sleep it was the perfect opportunity for me to rest. I couldn't stop staring at her though. Her beautiful curly blond hair was draped across her chubby face and her deep shallow breathing could hardly be heard over the loud roaring of the plane.

My son was constantly catching my gaze and smiling at me from his seat. It reiterated to me that it doesn't matter how tired my arms get from carrying them, or how annoyed I get when they keep calling me name. Even though I have watched Elmo's World more times than I care to remember, and have been peed on, pooped on, and puked on, I honestly wouldn't give it up for anything.

Want to hear the crazy part? I want more!

Love Times Three

I've never been a closed minded person. I've always thought that anything can happen and believed I should always give people a chance. This, however has gotten me into some uncomfortable situations in the past. Horrible dates, people getting the wrong impression.

But all in all, keeping that open mind has allowed me to have some incredible relationships and amazing friends. The people I have met and the things I have learned by simply listening with open ears to what someone had to say has allowed me to accept almost any belief.

Just when I thought I was the most accepting person in the world, I came across a book called Love Times Three. It's the story of a Polygamous marriage.

I know what your immediate thoughts are. Twelve year old brides in some excluded town that controls people based on fear and a warped brand of religion. Everyone has preconceived notions about things they are uninformed about or afraid of.

In relationships, you constantly hear about one or the other complaining about their spouse. "He wont do laundry." "She can't stand football."

Is it fair to expect everything we want in someone to only come from one person? By doing that, aren't we sucking the other person dry?

In marriages, sometimes, not all the time, but you see one or both spouses trying to change the other, or ask them to be or do things they wouldn't normally do. I get it. Compromise and sacrifice.

What if you could have more than just one person satisfying your needs? It's not just a sexual thing, for all you freaks thinking it's just an open way to cheat.

In this book, Joe has three wives. Three separate committed relationships where everyone in the family unit is working together, living in the same house raising their children.

What if your spouse isn't a great listener, or has a hard time being sensitive to your needs? Do you beg him to change or just blab to a close friend about it?

I am not saying I am all for this or even considering this as a lifestyle. I just thought it was interesting enough to blog about. The book is worth reading, and worth thinking about. It's supposed to be a free country so why shouldn't people be allowed to live the way that makes them happy? Or marry who they want to marry?

These are personal choices we should all be respectful of.

http://lovetimesthree.com/

Cohabitation and The To-Do List

There is one thing my husband and I have fought about since day one of living together, the dreaded household chores. Laundry, dishes, vacuuming, dusting, and cooking. I don't know why men integrate the idea into their little brains that women will turn into these little cleaning fairies who flit around the house doing their dirty work.

My day cannot function without some kind of routine and organization. If my house is messy I get stressed. My home is my space, my retreat from the sometimes hateful world. If I enter my world of peace and am greeted by shoes and socks blocking the door, sinks full of dirty dishes, laundrey thrown on my bed to be folded I literally freak out.

Hmm . . . maybe I am the problem after all?

I just think men are oblivious to how any of it gets done at all and how important a clean space is.

I strip my kids beds once a week and wash their sheets and comforters and happened to be doing this on a day my hubby was home. He looks at me, confused, and said, "I didn't know you were supposed to wash all that."

Really? I bet you didn't know that every time you leave socks on the floor I toss them in the trash.

My idea of a clean house is so very far from my husband's idea of a clean house it's not even funny. Yes, as we have previously established, I am very OCD about . . . well, everything.

But here is the catch I struggle with: Greg works on average about sixty hours a week enabling me to basically be a stay at home mom and keep our lovies out of daycare. It's hard not to feel resentful when I have spent the whole day cleaning and he trots in with his shoes on no less, tosses his dishes in the sink and leaves crumbs all over the counter.

Do I even have the right to get mad after all his hard work?

If I don't know where he is in the house, all I have to do is follow his mess. A sock here, pair of shoes over there, cookie crumbs down the hall...

Do same sex relationships have these problems? If not, I am switching sides.

All joking aside, Greg and I have since worked out these little To-Do List issues( three years of whining about who is going to do what. At one point I actually stopped doing his laundry. It took him weeks to even notice.)

I will share a few tips on how to have a Happy Cohabitation.

1.Drop all expectations that your significant other will "just take care of it"

2. Don't toss shit on the floor. Laundry baskets, and dressers were made for a reason!

3. Emptying your razor shavings into the sink does not count as cleaning up after yourself

4. There is no such thing as a dust free house. Someone is dusting and if it aint you, it needs to be.

5. Cleaning can be fun! Make it a naughty weekend game. Dress up and "help" one another scrub the floor.

6. No matter how busy you are, it really takes like ten seconds to toss a few clothes into the washer or dryer.

7. Most importantly, couples who share chores have more sex! Really!

Happy cleaning.