Love Times Three

I've never been a closed minded person. I've always thought that anything can happen and believed I should always give people a chance. This, however has gotten me into some uncomfortable situations in the past. Horrible dates, people getting the wrong impression.

But all in all, keeping that open mind has allowed me to have some incredible relationships and amazing friends. The people I have met and the things I have learned by simply listening with open ears to what someone had to say has allowed me to accept almost any belief.

Just when I thought I was the most accepting person in the world, I came across a book called Love Times Three. It's the story of a Polygamous marriage.

I know what your immediate thoughts are. Twelve year old brides in some excluded town that controls people based on fear and a warped brand of religion. Everyone has preconceived notions about things they are uninformed about or afraid of.

In relationships, you constantly hear about one or the other complaining about their spouse. "He wont do laundry." "She can't stand football."

Is it fair to expect everything we want in someone to only come from one person? By doing that, aren't we sucking the other person dry?

In marriages, sometimes, not all the time, but you see one or both spouses trying to change the other, or ask them to be or do things they wouldn't normally do. I get it. Compromise and sacrifice.

What if you could have more than just one person satisfying your needs? It's not just a sexual thing, for all you freaks thinking it's just an open way to cheat.

In this book, Joe has three wives. Three separate committed relationships where everyone in the family unit is working together, living in the same house raising their children.

What if your spouse isn't a great listener, or has a hard time being sensitive to your needs? Do you beg him to change or just blab to a close friend about it?

I am not saying I am all for this or even considering this as a lifestyle. I just thought it was interesting enough to blog about. The book is worth reading, and worth thinking about. It's supposed to be a free country so why shouldn't people be allowed to live the way that makes them happy? Or marry who they want to marry?

These are personal choices we should all be respectful of.

http://lovetimesthree.com/

Cohabitation and The To-Do List

There is one thing my husband and I have fought about since day one of living together, the dreaded household chores. Laundry, dishes, vacuuming, dusting, and cooking. I don't know why men integrate the idea into their little brains that women will turn into these little cleaning fairies who flit around the house doing their dirty work.

My day cannot function without some kind of routine and organization. If my house is messy I get stressed. My home is my space, my retreat from the sometimes hateful world. If I enter my world of peace and am greeted by shoes and socks blocking the door, sinks full of dirty dishes, laundrey thrown on my bed to be folded I literally freak out.

Hmm . . . maybe I am the problem after all?

I just think men are oblivious to how any of it gets done at all and how important a clean space is.

I strip my kids beds once a week and wash their sheets and comforters and happened to be doing this on a day my hubby was home. He looks at me, confused, and said, "I didn't know you were supposed to wash all that."

Really? I bet you didn't know that every time you leave socks on the floor I toss them in the trash.

My idea of a clean house is so very far from my husband's idea of a clean house it's not even funny. Yes, as we have previously established, I am very OCD about . . . well, everything.

But here is the catch I struggle with: Greg works on average about sixty hours a week enabling me to basically be a stay at home mom and keep our lovies out of daycare. It's hard not to feel resentful when I have spent the whole day cleaning and he trots in with his shoes on no less, tosses his dishes in the sink and leaves crumbs all over the counter.

Do I even have the right to get mad after all his hard work?

If I don't know where he is in the house, all I have to do is follow his mess. A sock here, pair of shoes over there, cookie crumbs down the hall...

Do same sex relationships have these problems? If not, I am switching sides.

All joking aside, Greg and I have since worked out these little To-Do List issues( three years of whining about who is going to do what. At one point I actually stopped doing his laundry. It took him weeks to even notice.)

I will share a few tips on how to have a Happy Cohabitation.

1.Drop all expectations that your significant other will "just take care of it"

2. Don't toss shit on the floor. Laundry baskets, and dressers were made for a reason!

3. Emptying your razor shavings into the sink does not count as cleaning up after yourself

4. There is no such thing as a dust free house. Someone is dusting and if it aint you, it needs to be.

5. Cleaning can be fun! Make it a naughty weekend game. Dress up and "help" one another scrub the floor.

6. No matter how busy you are, it really takes like ten seconds to toss a few clothes into the washer or dryer.

7. Most importantly, couples who share chores have more sex! Really!

Happy cleaning.

Freak The Freak Out

Last night I had a pretty ridiculous emotional breakdown. It wasn't over anything specific. My daughter went to bed at 7:15 without so much as a whimper. My son and I watched a movie and he was asleep by nine. All in all a successful night.

I lit some candles, snuggled up on the couch and enjoyed the silence. I started thinking, a bit too much perhaps, about my life and where it was headed. Then I did the worst thing any person can do. I started comparing my life to other people my age and quickly began to feel like a failure.

Michele (my beautiful sister) has received countless promotions and is living it up in The Big Apple.

Chris (my brother) is just about a signature away from a record deal
You haven't finished college

You're wasting your time writing this book

Just a few of the thoughts that ran circles in my mind until it started spilling down my face for the following hour.

Sure, I am a great mother. I have overcome and accomplished so much in my life it would take a nine hundred page book and then some to cover it all. But I felt like there was still so much I wanted to accomplish and so little time to make it happen.

The worst thing I experienced last night was, feeling like I have worked my ass off for years, and still haven't reached my goal.

Yes, I am only twenty-five and still have so much of my life ahead of me, but for that hour last night, it dawned on me how fast time goes.

What road is best to travel? Maybe Robert Frost can help me figure that one out.

After a very emotional conversation with my brother, (he listened while I cried) he helped me realize how much I have to be thankful for and what I great job I am doing.

If it wasn't for my family, I don't know where my life would have drifted me. At the end of the day it doesn't matter if I ever get published, obtain a Master's degree, land a high paying job, or totally rule the world. ( I can dream a little, right?)

What matters is that I do things for me, and for my family. Success is not something defined by how much money you make, or how far you go in school or what school you graduate from. Success is an individual accomplishment that varies person to person.

I feel successful in my life right now. Nothing else really matters.

Seeing The Beauty

Maybe it is the aspiring writer within myself, feeling the constant need to adjust or fix everything, but I have re arranged my playroom for the seventh time this morning. One entire wall is brick and until this morning have yet to integrate it into the room. By simply placing an incredibly funky yet subtle mirror on the brick, it gave the room a whole new vibe.

When I look around I am constantly thinking of ways I can make something better. Always fidgeting, folding, adjusting, and moving picture frames, couches, blankets.

Maybe this means I have completely lost my mind and in forty or fifty years will be the nutty bag lady with way too many dogs who is always weeding a garden that doesn't have any weeds.

Or it is possible that I see the beauty in everything around me and the potential it holds deep within itself. My house for example as most of you know was purchased as a foreclosure. My husband and I have since been renovating every room in an attempt to unveil it's perfection.

I believe there comes a time that if you renovate too much or edit too much or pick someone apart too much, you begin to strip away someone or somethings true character while trying to turn it into something else.

If you have ever sanded a piece of wood, you know you have to "go with the grain". The same concept applies to life and novels and people. Sometimes the "flaws" aren't really flaws at all. It is something unique that we should try to see the beauty in by accepting it and working with it, not against it.

When Duty Calls

Today is the third annual Blacksburg Fork and Cork. I envisioned myself leisurely walking around sipping good wine and tasting delicious foods from various restaurants.

But, the only thing I will be doing today is getting my face painted and forcing myself to munch on a greasy slice of luke warm pizza that has been sitting in a box under the sun all afternoon at the school carnival. Then, I get to tote my already exhausted kids to my sons soccer game and attempt to keep Layla happy while simultaneously cheering on my son.

I have to do the mom thing today, instead of doing the, what I really want to do thing. I even came up with a possible solution, a compromise. I thought if I poured some wine into a water bottle I could pretend that I was actually walking around the Fork and Cork and not the carnival, but then driving around under the influence with kids in the car is just stupid, so that idea is out. My other solution was telling my son his soccer game was cancelled and taking the kids with me to the Fork and Cork...but that's just too cruel to even talk about any further.

Sometimes the boring kid stuff just has to come before the things we as moms would rather be doing. And despite the complaining, once we get to the carnival I know I will realize there isn't any other place I would rather be then with my kids, getting my face painted, carrying melted flavored ice as it drips down my arms causing everything to stick to my hands, and sipping a warm bottle of water, not a crisp glass of wine.

Punish the Deed, Not the Breed

My family and I recently adopted a Rottweiler mix and the reaction from some friends and family was, "Are you guys crazy. Those dogs are so dangerous!"

This is just one of many breeds that has been pinpointed for scrutinizing. The Rottweiler, among Pit bulls and others are a particular breed that is manipulated to become aggressive and dangerous, therefore singled out as being evil. If any dog is mistreated, chained up, not spayed or neutered, or not socialized properly they are at risk for being dangerous.

The Rottweiler is listed as the ninth smartest dog in the world. They are incredibly loyal and loving. Maggie, our Rottie, is only eight weeks old and already housebroken!

Not everybody is a responsible pet owner, and owning certain dog breeds requires the proper knowledge, time, and ability to socialize and train your pet. Not doing so results in an unbalanced, dangerous animal.

It isn't fair to blame a particular breed in general. The situation needs to be broken down to a case by case basis. What were the circumstances that these particular dogs attacked?

In a recent case last February, a Rottweiler attacked a five year old boy after the dog was left in the care of a drug addict and the parents of the little boy said, " I blame the owner more than the animal."

This particular Rottweiler obviously wasn't socialized properly and was running around a community garden scared and without supervision. Not having responsible owners resulted in a very unbalanced animal. The dog was destroyed after the attack, which is also unfair.

The drug addict that was supposed to be responsible for the dog was offered rehabilitation, and the dog was killed.

If a child isn't raised in a safe consistent environment, and that child goes to school in a bad mood, causing them to attack, or get into a fight with another student causing that child to need hospitalization and stitches, do we put the child that started the fight to sleep, deeming them "unbalanced and out of control?"

Dogs deserve rehabilitation too. They don't choose their owners or how they are raised. A child bites someone and we say, "oh, they don't know any better, it's just a phase."
A puppy, or dog bites someone, and we say, "oh my god, that dog is bad, just put him down."

How can we expect a dog to know better if they were never trained to know better?

Owning any dog breed is a risk, and there are never any guarantees, but taking every precaution and doing everything you can as a dog owner is the key to a happy balanced pet.Research a particular breed before commiting to ownership and make sure you know how to train your pet.

Most importantly, time for your pet in important too. Adopting a dog, then letting it roam around your yard by itself all day, or chaining it up isn't being a good pet owner.

Socialize your pet by bringing it with you on long walks, soccer games, dog parks, or out to lunch. Especially Rottweilers, who tend to be cautious of strangers. Know your breed before you buy. Keep and open mind, don't judge.

Check out this link! http://www.librarydogs.com/Missouri_Hero-Halo-Megan.html
http://www.librarydogs.com/

My Mood With Food

With two kids, an eighty pound dog, a new puppy, and a husband who works all the time, I am usually left to fend for myself at some of the most difficult times of the day. The dreaded homework hour, trying to keep my daughter and our new puppy busy during my son's soccer practice and the most difficult task...making dinner.

Grilling chicken stove-top while slowly sipping a glass of red wine is a nightly fantasy of mine. The reality check is me with my hair in a messy pony tail carrying a child in one arm, stirring with the other. My phone is usually ringing and at least once during dinner time, someone spills an entire glass of something all over themselves, the floor, and one of the dogs, who is anxiously waiting under the table where food is constantly falling.

Last night was one of those crazy nights. Sean's soccer game didn't end until after seven which means we weren't eating dinner until eight and after the indoor swimming pool my daughter made in the bathroom was cleaned up, I was ready for the night to be over.

My husband can usually tell what kind of a day it's been based on what we have had for dinner. If my response is, "We just had eggs and turkey bacon," he responds with, "Oh, no! What happened today?"

Now, if he comes home and I am sauteing mushrooms and onions beside mesquite chicken grilling, he knows it's safe to hug and kiss me hello.

I love the instant gratification that a naughty food choice gives me. The way an oreo tastes after it has been generously dunked in a frigid glass of milk. Buuut, since my weight loss/weight lifting journey began two years ago...I have to grab a handful of almonds and say, "Damn these almonds rock!" And mean it.

Kids love eating breakfast foods for dinner. My son told me I was the best mom in the whole world when I said, " Do you just want pancakes for dinner tonight?"

Worried about the veggies? Give them a glass of V8 splash and you are good to go.
Don't stress, no where on your grave will it say:THIS MOM DIDN"T MAKE GOURMET MEALS EVERY NIGHT!

Besides, it's only one night, right? Or two...okay okay maybe three depending on your week.