Alone Time! Wait, what's that?

As most of you know my two year anniversary was yesterday. And while most couples whisk themselves away to some romantic resort with his and her terry cloth robes, and a jaded reality full of alcohol and five star restaurants, my husband and I did not. (Because if I was I sure as hell wouldn't be on my computer)My thoughts on romance have changed immensely since I have had kids. I think a lot of us base romance on what we read in a book, or see in a movie so we are programmed to think we should be doing certain things. Those movies, or those books we read usually end right where real life begins.
I bet you if Cinderella got knocked up she wouldn't be dancing around with her mop singing to the birds, her head would be in the fucking toilet and prince charming would be holding her hair back. Or Princess Jasmin, could you see her whole new world with three kids on that magic carpet?
So, anyway...My husband and I decided it would be nice to go to dinner. Now- at first thought you're probably thinking romantic candle lit dinner in some poorly lit restaurant. NO!! Try Olive Garden and our two lovely kids. (They really are lovely) If you have kids you know what going out to eat is like. You usually spend your meal guarding your drink from being knocked into your lap, blowing on chicken nuggets to cool them down, or picking things up off the floor.
Being creative here was the key to making our anniversary amazing. Yes, the kids were like an extra garnish on a fancy meal we really didn't need right then, but they are part of our life so we make it work. But kids do sleep. And, as soon as those little monkey's were in bed, memory lane was wide open for us and we stayed up all night.... not just having the most incredible sex in the world( for those of you whose jaws just dropped:Mommies are allowed to have sex!), but really getting to know each other all over again. We relived the day we met and the amazing weeks that followed and how insane everyone thought we were when just two months later we were engaged. I fell asleep that night feeling like I just fell in deep deep love all over again and woke up knowing I was the luckiest person in the world.(I also woke up to my daughter trying to dip my blackberry in a glass of water)
Anything and everything is what you make it, or what you make out of it. Were we isolated on some island getting couples massages, no, but we didn't feel the need to put our relationship on display. We were as alone as you can be when you have kids. But that's what makes it fun and it took our relationship to the next level. We are always moving forward, but we are always moving together.

Sometimes I worry about myself

Okay, so I am a little sleep deprived today because my 18 month old daughter decided to wake up at 1 am this morning. I was laying in bed and I heard her making noise, so I just closed my eyes tighter, and tried to pretend like I didn't hear anything. But, that cry, the cry that says mommy, come snuggle me. C'mon, just admit it- it's 1 am, you're sleeping so good, and you hear the crying begin to escalate and all you're thinking is.... "fuck". But,despite my best efforts and a few learned tricks, she didn't fall back asleep until I laid with her at 4am. Ugh! Then I had this dream that I found out I was pregnant and was really excited about it. But when I woke up this morning and realized I was just dreaming I was really bummed. Yes, I was bummed. You're probably wondering what is wrong with me. Up all freaking night long singing, and rocking and sitting on the floor by my daughters bed literally praying that her eyes will close so I can sneak out of her room and crawl back into my bed, and I am wishing I was having another one. There is really only one explanation here... I am insane.

I used to think I was the only adult that would say, "I have to go potty!" or " Let's use our inside voice." It turns out I am not. At least I hope I am not. My neighbors might just think I am absolutely nuts lounging in a kiddy pool with a giraffe head on it, but hey, kids like being outside and when it's 105 degrees out, a puddle almost seems like a good way to cool off. I can also recite every line from Finding Nemo, The Lion King, Chicken Little, Ice Age, and I can hum every song from every Baby Einstein movie. ( I secretly love those movies and when Greg is working late I give myself a pedicure while watching Ratatouille...sshh!)

Before I had kids I always felt like I never had enough time to do anything, although I still feel like that, I don't know what I ever did with all my free time?! Probably sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. I almost can't remember what it's like to not have kids, or actually sit down and eat an entire meal instead of my kids left overs. Maybe you can answer this for me, but why is it the second I start talking on the phone everyone has to ask me a question? Or how about this one, what about me taking a shower is so interesting that everyone needs to be in the bathroom while I am in there? Kids have a special radar and they sense when you're comfortable, or getting ready to indulge yourself a little bit, and then they attack!!

I am A Fictional Character

Did your parents ever tell you growing up that you could be whatever you wanted to be? And that no matter what it was they would always love and support you? Well, mine always did, but that wasn't the problem. My problem was that I could never seem to decide how I wanted to spend the rest of my life. I didn't like the idea of going to college for four years and doing the same thing everyday. I always feared being so busy and consumed with my career that my days, weeks, and even months would start merging together and suddenly I would wake up 45 years old and have missed out on all the fun.

Most of my weekends and evening as a kid were spent locked in my room getting lost in incredible stories and I would get so into what I was reading that I would forget I was reading and I became part of that book. I realized I didn't have to choose one lifestyle or be one kind of person because through all these stories I could become anyone at any time. Those books were my escape, my way of experiencing the world from someone else's perspective, something I believe not many of us try to do. The books presented unrealistic scenarios and unlikely predicaments the main character was usually struggling to deal with. But for those few hours I was brave, or smart, or the most beautiful girl in a room and when I was done it was like closing a chapter on a part of my life and with every new book a new phase of adventure began.

As I grew up a little bit, and after spending countless hours hidden in the back of coffee shops, I realized I could still get lost in these wonderful books, but I needed to start being the leading lady of my own life. I knew I wanted to start seeing life from my own perspective too. I learned how to be brave and confident. To approach situations with the upmost patience, and just to throw in my own advice, everyone could always use a big hug. Sure, I am a little bit of a dork, but I think life is magical and there are so many ways to enjoy it. Whether it is through a good book, or a movie, we can be anyone and we can go anywhere.

The One Armed Woman

Did you ever notice how women have this uncanny ability to not only multi-task, but do things with only one arm free with our eyes closed? If I relied on both hands to get things done my house would look like a cyclone threw a party. My daughter is a big mommy's girl and this past week she has been sick. When kids are sick all they want is their mommies anyway, so this just intensified her need to be near me. Cooking dinner, cleaning up, doing laundry, washing dishes... all with her on my left hip.

Having two kids and a dog, and a house to run keeps anybody busy(unless you're the kind of stay at home mama that hires nannies and house keepers, then you suck, you really do). At the blink of an eye either one of my kids could possibly be hanging from a ceiling fan. So, when doing housework etc. I've gotta work fast. My husband offered to do the dishes for me(since I had my daughter turned koala hanging onto me like a tree branch) if I would go give her a bath. Sounded like a good deal to me. I Bathe my daughter, clean up the bathroom get her in pj's straighten up her room before bed and head out into the kitchen, relaxed, and so glad it would be clean. What do I find? There is Greg standing in front of the sink gazing out the window basically giving each dish a personal massage and placing them in the empty sick next to it for a rinse wash and repeat cycle. All he needed was a pair of high heals and some pearls and I'm telling you, Mrs.Cleaver couldn't touch him. How is it possible that he was still standing there? My husband works very hard at his job, and some weeks he pulls close to seventy hours. But men just can't grasp the concept of housework and all that it entails. I could have done those dishes faster with one hand holding a baby, my son talking my ear off and the dog barking in the background.

We as women think we have grown away from our typical rolls as "house wife". But even the ones who have a full time job still come home and make dinner, clean up, read stories to the kids. Being a mom is like having seven full time jobs. We are personal chefs, teachers, chauffeurs, maids, baby-sitters, mediators, & sometimes a billboard for target practice. If we got paid for what we do, we would be making over 100,000 dollars a year.
Being a mother is usually a choice, but even if it's not it's something I embrace everyday because I just sit and think about how boring my life would be if I lived alone, not that I haven't thought about it some days. Nothing a good mani/pedi and a bottle of tequila can't fix.

Unlivable to Unbelievable- Part Two

As I noted before, the bathroom renovations really did take 9 months to complete. But that wasn't the only thing that was going to take 9 months. Just three months before our wedding, the wedding that my step-mom had been losing sleep over to make beautiful, I found out I was pregnant. Well Shit! Was really the only appropriate things for me to say at that point. I already had my dress, and it had already been fitted. Just one more thing to literally add to the pile of crap that was already inside, and outside of our house. My stand is, that with all the renovations, and stress going on I simply forgot to take my birth control pill, but my husband has a different idea of how all that went. I don't recall having the "let's have a baby" conversation. Greg claims it was in the heat of the moment. C'mon, does anyone remember what they say in the middle of sex? If you do, do you expect anybody to hold you to it?
Regardless, our incredibly beautiful and emotional wedding came and went and do you think the two of us whisked away to some magical island? Hell no! We came right back home to a bathroom that still wasn't done, and ended up having to rip out the sink because if any more of it rotted away it would have just fallen apart all on it's own. Plus, Sean was starting his first day of kindergarden a few days later. With Sean at school and lot's to do we both took the week off work to try and "get ahead". We decided, with the help of Greg's dad to take apart the floor in what would later become the master suite. Halfway through we find just about every species of insect along with their eggs. Um, can anyone say Pest Control? Maybe the people that owned it before us?? This house was becoming our own personal money pit. Every time we took something apart a surprise was waiting for us. Several rooms didn't even have insulations, and tell me if it's normal to be able to see outside when your inside? And not through a window, through tiny holes and cracks in the wall. Wall paneling meant for an inside wall, not an outside one. Oh, and did I mention the single pane windows that frosted on the inside in the winter. Oh yeah and an air conditioning system that only worked for 7 hours and then froze over. Which, by the way, wasn't even plugged into the breaker. It took two years, a maintenance man, and $65 to figure that out. Aren't we a couple of geniuses?!
The time crunch was on because now we had a baby on the way and our house could probably have been deemed hazardous. Despite all this mess, we had a blast somehow working on it. We were literally building our life together. We learned a lot about each other along the way and about ourselves. I learned how to cut and measure drywall, I realized I was much stronger than I though, I had to learn how to be brave, especially after we built our front pouch and I had to carry chunks of grass and dirt filled with spiders and worms wiggling everywhere. But most importantly, Greg and I learned that no matter what shape our house was in, or how ugly our furniture was, it didn't matter. Because your life and relationships aren't based on any of that. You have to be able to strip all that away and still say I love my life, and I am happy. Can you say that? We could. We went to bed together every night and woke up in each others arms and nothing about the house or the financial stuff changed that or our love for each other. There were plenty of disagreements, and tears but we made our house into a home. There will always be a project, or something that needs to be fixed and changes are always coming. But our family is the constant and no matter where we are or what we have we know we have each other.

Yes! I have stretch marks

I have two amazing children, but let's face it, as beautiful and wonderful as pregnancy can be, there are definitely the not so beautiful parts of it. The morning sickness, the acne, the weekly weight gain, and maybe I should whisper this one.... (whispers) the stretch marks. They come in all sizes and colors from deep purples, reds, pinks, and clear. They take over our tummy,ass, hips, and boobs. But my question is, why are we all so ashamed of them? Our bodies changed to carry and care for our children. If our bodies weren't able to stretch and change the way they do who knows what the world would be like? Pregnant men running around like big balls of emotional mush? Women are made to handle the emotional and physical strain of carrying a child. I saw a commercial the other day for Coco Butter stretch mark cream, and in that commercial they said that stretch marks were ugly. So lot's of women including myself hide them.
One Piece bathing suits, long shirts, soccer mom shorts. I truly feel like we should be proud of them and show them off. Those stretch marks tell a story about each of us. Maybe they aren't from pregnancy, maybe they are from weight gain, or weight loss, or both. Whatever the reason, flaws aren't flaws, they are just simply what we are. Those imperfections give us character and make us who we are. Which is why I am posting a picture of the stretch marks I have grown to be proud of :) And you should too! Share your pictures with me, be proud :)

Unlivable to Unbelievable- Part One

My husband and I met three years ago and I was a "hot mess" if you will. I had a four year old little boy, was still living with my mother, and six thousand dollars in credit card debt. The only sweet part about any of it was Sean, my best pal in the world. I worked at a bank; 8:30 to 5:00 everyday, full time and when I could I was taking college classes at the local community college. By the time I got off work, picked up my son from daycare, yes, daycare which by the way , broke my heart into pieces every morning when I dropped Sean off for the whole day, i had just enough time to make dinner, clean up, get him bathed, and then bedtime. I was missing out on everything and we really only had the weekends to catch up on everything. My child was growing up before my eyes and I was missing it all. What choice did I have? I was a single mother, living at home, trying to pay off debt and the only thing I did own was a car I couldn't even afford.

Despite all this I managed to meet Greg. I wasn't looking for a relationship at that point in my life and I think I had even told my mom that I was done dating forever and was just going to live with her until I was forty. I know how cliche the whole "love at first sight" thing sounds. But what I felt when I first saw him was way beyond that. My heart jumped and for that few seconds my entire life flashed before my eyes and I couldn't stop looking at him. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before, and I was confused because although I was feeling this life altering emotion, he still hadn't looked at me other than the half second when we were introduced. To fast foreword this a little bit, we fell so deep in love with each other that within a few weeks he moved out of his dorm room on Tech campus and moved in with me....err....well, moved in with me at my mom's house, a month after that we were engaged, and a few months after that we bought our house.

Now, before you get all excited and start thinking what we are all programmed to think, it isn't like that....at all. I am not Cinderella, Greg isn't a prince, and the house we bought (thanks to help from his parents) is not a castle or anything even close to it. This house was a foreclosure that had been on the market for months and not a "hot mess" by any means. It was just a plain old dump. A foreclosure as most of you know is a house that the bank repossesses from the owners and when it's put back on the market it is SOLD AS IS. They mean that too. You buy the house, you buy all the problems that come along with it. This was probably the ugliest, dumpiest, grossest house I have ever seen in my life. The kitchen floor was completely torn apart, maybe to match the broken window and old refrigerator that didn't work. Which, by the way, we didn't find that out until later when we put frozen meat in there only to open the freezer door and see melted meat juice EVERYWHERE. The bathroom, oh the bathroom, where do I begin. Okay, close you eyes and imagine the ugliest, moldiest bathroom you can. Okay, got it? This bathroom was worse, far worse. The linoleum floor was probably five inches higher than it was supposed to be due to water damage, and the mold around the yellow bathtub and tiles was so bad you almost couldn't tell if the tub was even yellow. Between the wall paneling, the mold, the ripped floor, and the fact that I had to hang sheets in the windows for privacy, on move in day I had my first meltdown. It was all hitting me at that moment, I was going to be living in this house, a house I had to try and make into a home for my family.

Day one, immediately the bathroom demolition begins. Everything came out except the toilet, and partially rotting sink. I was forced to walk down our crooked and uneven basement stairs and use the shower in the basement for what seemed like the longest nine months of my life. Thanks to my dad and step-mom's generous house warming gift, we now had a working fridge in our kitchen. Between trying to fix things around the house, pay off my debt, and pay our mortgage, things were tight. We didn't have cable, or internet, and to save even more money, hot dogs, ramen noodles, mac and cheese, and chicken nuggets became a few of our favorite meals. This was a lifestyle I was not used to, and as awful as it might seem to some, I adapted quickly. The sacrifices were hard, but what I was gaining in return was even better. I had a place I could call my own. All the stuff inside of it, no matter how old, or worn, was ours. We were building a life, no matter how small it might seem to some, it was our life and it was beautiful.